Tag: positivity

Starting Over and Facing Fears

Starting Over and Facing Fears

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Life after Revision Surgery for an Amputee

 

 

I must have been crazy, right? To CHOOSE to revise my amputation! To go from being uber active to starting over?!?!

Golfing on Kauai

 

Having fun catching waves

 

At the beginning of this interview process, to be eligible for the AMI procedure, I was very interested in the idea of being a part of something so “cutting edge” (pun intended) and chose to continue through the several interview steps to see if I was even eligible.

When it came down to having to go out to Boston for a face to face interview I knew that it was getting very real and that the decision to have it done was going to be all mine. That’s when I started to second guess myself and the reason why I would want to go through that again.

Decisions need to be made, but with a good, clear reason and with no doubts. I couldn’t do something like that again, and have my family be put out because of it… and what if? What if I was as good as I could get? What if I feel more phantom pains? What if, this time I get an infection and start down a harder road than ever before?

I will tell you that I never put those questions in my head or spoke of them before the surgery, but the reality is, those are the concerns that hide in the dark, when you are anxious, vulnerable, weak. These are the doubts that create fear, and then stop us from charging forward and achieving greatness.

Needless to say, my CT scan showed something that had to be dealt with that had nothing to do with the AMI and everything to do with the pains I had been dealing with for 6 years! THAT was what made my decision one I was at peace with. Now here I am 3 weeks post-op.

Starting PT the day after surgery and having those flooding pains upon walking

 

My biggest support and the guy who has always had my back! <3

 

Back at the hotel and trying to rest

 

Fear is such a disabling emotion. It stops us from trying new things, meeting new people, and reaching our goals.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to live a life where I’m not reaching out and living a full and amazing life because fear holds me back.

What fears are stopping you? What goals are you not hitting because you worry about the “What ifs”?

 

 

This week and each day in it I want you to face a fear!

It doesn’t have to be huge, like jumping from a plane, but what’s holding you back from living a full and happy life?

What scares you?

What goals have you been sitting on because something keeps you from achieving them, that YOU control?

Let’s face those fears together and start living!

You are a warrior, you need to believe it and know you have that within you!

You are strong, powerful, and capable!

Now get out there and SLAY YOUR FEARS!!!!

F-ace

E-verything

A-nd

R-ise

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

Choosing the Hard Road

Choosing the Hard Road

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 25:02 — 26.5MB)

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Starting Over Isn’t Easy

 

Who would choose to take a harder road, isn’t life hard enough?

And who would decide to start over after working hard to be high functioning?

What would possess someone to put that sort of challenge in front of them?

Last October I was approached by Dr. Carty’s office, in Boston, if I was interested in doing a study with them. I decided to learn more and had an hour long phone interview with his assistant. This interview led to a second interview with Dr. Carty himself, which inevitably led to a final face-to-face appointment with Dr. Carty, and a decision had to be made.

 

Dr. Matthew Carty

 

Ironically, before having the initial interview I was doing just fine where I was. Yes, I had pains, but I thought they were pretty normal and unavoidable for an amputee. However, from October to January I started having more pains and some really strong break through pains, finally ending with a huge blister on the end of my residual limb. That’s what led to my prosthetist making me a new socket.

My thoughts were leaning more towards doing this study, which entailed reopening my original amputation and having some reconstruction done. I knew something wasn’t totally right in my limb so I asked to be checked for a possible neuroma when I went in for my face-to-face appointment. If something showed up then I was ready to have the surgery, and sure enough we found something….

There was a foreign object hanging out of my femur with a bursa surrounding it!!! I was stunned and decided right there that I was going through with this surgery.

 

Post surgery walk with PT

 

It seems pretty obvious to have a surgery, but the fact is, it was a big decision.

This not only affects me but also my family.

It also sets me back several months and begins the process again as if I am a new amputee. That is quite the undertaking, for a second time, and I’m not getting any younger.

So why?

Released from the hospital-the smile says it all!

 

My belief is that we can learn so much about ourselves when we face adversity. We also grow so much more when we are up against hard times. Since becoming an amputee back in 2018 I have met some amazing people, found a deeper and more meaningful purpose in helping people, started this podcast and created a women’s chat group. My life became richer and changed me, and I saw what I was meant to do in this life. With this mindset I couldn’t help but see God’s hand in this setup this time around and I truly am sitting here ready to accept the challenge, grow stronger and spiritually deeper, and accept what is to come, knowing that there is a greater plan for me than I could ever imagine. I wait excitedly for who will come into my life and how this new path will mold and change me.

 

Life on one leg again… this will be at least an 8 week lifestyle.

 

I accept this challenge with the hopes of becoming a better person and gain more experiences to help others.

This is why I chose a harder path, the path that includes pain, setbacks, change and uncertainty.

I believe that growth happens when we step out of our comfort zone and take chances.

I believe God has a plan that is far greater than I could ever create or imagine.

I choose to believe that I am a warrior, ready for the fight and ready to rise up again, stronger and even better than before.

How about you? Are you ready to accept the challenge that is in front of you?

 

Are you in a place that you have a setback? Are you struggling to find the motivation to rise up and unleash the warrior within you?

This week I want you to focus on 2 things:

Your nighttime and morning rituals.

If you are like me you probably check your phone before bed and also when you get up in the morning. I am going to challenge both you and I to adjust this.

At night before you fall asleep look at your calendar for tomorrow. See what’s on your schedule and then what you want to accomplish, whether it is running errands or reading a book. Visualizing completing your goals for tomorrow. Now get some good rest.

As you wake in the morning, don’t reach for that phone until you’ve done two things: taken several long, deep breathes and then run through your goals and visualizing how you’ll get them done.

Make this a daily practice and begin chasing your mindset to accomplishing everything you want to accomplish.

I hope this Call to Action helps you begin a new and productive practice that allows you to grow and feel accomplished.

Remember, you were born to do great things and you have a warrior spirit in you, you just need to find that inner strength.

So Rise Up, Warrior, Rise Up!

 

Have a beautiful week,

Know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much Love,

 

 

 

Real Talk with Dr. Carty

Real Talk with Dr. Carty

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:05:29 — 47.5MB)

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AMI Procedure and The Future of Amputations

Brigham and Women’s Faulkner Hospital

 

“For 200 years there has been no real difference in amputation; it’s technique and how it’s done.”

Do you know anything in our world that hasn’t evolved in 200 years? No!

This was a statement that Dr. Carty stated today in our conversation and I was in disbelief. How could that be?

With so many engineering marvels happening at an exorbitant rate it is only natural to turn our eyes on the other side of this coin, the surgical procedure.

Prosthetics have evolved and become more advanced than ever before but our residual limbs are the same they have always been, not allowing amputees to truly reap the benefits of these technological advancements, but that is changing.

Dr. Carty with the help of Dr. Hugh Herr at MIT worked together to improve the human body to be a more synergistic with the devices of today and the future.

Dr. Matthew Carty-Brigham and Women’s Faulkner Hospital Reconstructive Plastic Surgeon

 

Dr. Hugh Herr-Bilateral below knee amputee, biophysicist, mechanical engineer, co-director of MIT Media Lab

 

The Agonist/Antagonist Myoneural Interface (AMI) procedure was born out of the ideas of two men who each had something they were searching for to improve functionality of a residual limb and to make it more compatible with the future of prosthetics.

I am excited to share that I will be heading to Boston this weekend to have Dr. Carty perform this procedure on me, as a study candidate, and in hopes to improve my overall functionality. I am truly very excited for this opportunity.

Join us in today’s Real Talk as Dr. Carty goes deep to explain the process of creating, changing, and implementing a new medical procedures, and what exactly the AMI is and what the hopeful outcomes are of a successful surgery.

I am truly honored and  appreciated the time you spent with me to record this episode in the midst of your busy schedule, Dr. Carty, and I look forward to working with you soon. See you win Boston!

Enjoy this deep and impactful interview and be sure to subscribe to my Vlog channel on YouTube @OneLegis Enough-BAW to follow my journey through this amazing experience.

Have an amazing week ahead, Warriors!

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Facing Setbacks

Facing Setbacks

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Setbacks to Comebacks

 

Life is full of ups and downs and as an amputee we must realize that we will face many more challenges, past the amputation itself, years later.

For one, our sound side becomes extremely important to us. Taking care of our good joints while still trying to live a full and healthy life yet protecting what we have left becomes a balancing act and can be very scaring when things go wrong.

We also struggle with pain in our residual limb when our socket doesn’t fit correctly or a neuroma decides to show up.

My current situation is a strained lower back because I work so hard with balance and bending over to pick things off the floor, all on my sound leg which puts undo pressure and tension on my lower back on the opposite side. That is my current setback, and it is not only painful, it’s frustrating!

I have 2 weeks until I take off for Boston to go through extensive reconstructive surgery on my residual limb, plus a unique procedure created by MIT and my doctor. My goal 2 weeks ago was to eat well, cut our alcohol and get back to the gym daily to get in the best shape for this surgery. Literally the first week into that plan I tweaked my back! Now I am trying to be patient and waiting for the slow healing process my back is going through.

 

1 year after my amputation I found a neuroma in my hamstring and had to go thru another surgery!
Stayed positive but at times it was hard, starting over with healing is hard!

 

Not being able to wear the prosthesis while healing can break you but setting goals and looking to the future helps. Stay positive!

 

What I have learned through all the setbacks since becoming an amputee:

-This too shall pass

-Stay positive

-Set goals

-Use this time to do what you CAN do at this moment.

-Setbacks tend to be moments that are setting you up for a comeback. Be ready!

 

Look to the future. Dream! Stay focused on your goals and objectives!

 

If you are going through a setback now, don’t get discouraged just keep focused on the positive and the future.

It is not the end, it’s just a moment for your mind and body to be prepared for something more.

 

 

This week I challenge you to be still and focus your attention to what you CAN do and positive thoughts during a setback or a rough patch.

Try these steps out:

-Realize that this moment won’t last forever.

-Use this time to stop and listen to your body and realize what it needs to heal, usually it is telling you to give it a break and let it heal.

-Set goals for yourself to do once your setback fades away.

-Visualize yourself being successful and accomplishing your goals. Visualize positivity!

-Remember your “Why”. What are you doing this all for? Yourself? Your mental health? Your family? Your job? What is it that drives you forward? Your “Why’s” should be clear because they are what will help you in hard times and when you feel like you are all alone. The Why’s are your motivation to keep moving forward.

Of all the setbacks I have endured since becoming an amputee, one thing has been certain, the hard times end and the comebacks win!

You are a warrior! Believe it! See yourself as the strong individual I know you are.

Have an amazing week ahead.

Get after this Call to Action and reach out to me if you have questions or want to give me an update on how you’re doing.

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

Stressed Out!!

Stressed Out!!

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Dealing With Stress to Alleviate Phantom Pain

 

Ahhh, stress!

It wouldn’t be a day or a week without something triggering stress. A bid decision, a deadline, a fight with a friend, or even traffic!

As amputees we also face the uphill battles of healing, socket fittings, sores and painful steps, and phantom pains. Sometimes it feels like we never get a break. It feels like the weight of the world is placed on our shoulders and we can’t come up for air.

What we all need to learn is that every time we feel stressed out we have, in our own power, the ability to change the outcome. We control the narrative and we control how we come out on the other side.

“Mind over Matter” isn’t just a cliche it is truth.

 

 

When we hold in stressors we destroy our immune system, disrupt our nervous system, and create more problems than we need to.

We need to find ways to release negativity and stressors in our life. They will always be there, so instead of letting them take control and reeking havoc on your health you need to find ways to work through them and find a peace in your life.

When we learn to breathe, slow down, relax, and let go of the things we cannot control, then start feeding our mind with positive and affirming words we can begin to heal ourselves and give our bodies a chance to heal.

This week I challenge you.

 

 

Find time to slow down and breathe slowly and deeply through troubles and stressors you are feeling. Realize what you can control and what you cannot. If you can’t control something it’s time to let it go.

Use animals to help you find quiet time and centering. Horses especially are extremely intuitive and can read you from a mile away. If you bring in negative energy or a lot of “baggage” they won’t want to be close to you, and I don’t know about you, but I go see my horses for the kisses and love they pour into me. If I come preoccupied and upset, holding onto something negative, they sense it and walk away from me. I must clear my mind and center/ground myself if I want meaningful interaction with them.

 

Our closeness happens when I let my fears, anxiety, and stressors melt away and I focus on being present with my girl.

Words of affirmation and positivity. Speak them and repeat them as often as you need to about yourself until you have created a positive mindset. If you consistently beat yourself up over little things or become negative about your healing then this is where you need the most work. Our brain is a very powerful tool that believes what we speak into it. Speak only good and positive and watch your circumstances change for the better!

 

 

Finally, have grace upon grace for yourself. You won’t be perfect and you will stumble as you go through life, we all do, the challenge is to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and try again.

You’ve got this and I know you can do it. As you begin to make the changes needed to reduce stressors in your life you will start to notice phantom pains not being your focal point which then makes their grip on you much less.

Don’t give your pain power! Deny them and don’t continue to talk about them. The less time you pay attention to the pains you feel the less likely you are to be consumed and debilitated by them. You deserve better!

You can do this!

Be positive, breathe and focus on the positives! Watch your stress melt away and your phantom pains calm down.

Wishing you a week filled with health and happy thoughts.

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much love,

 

 

The Neuroscience of Phantom Pain

The Neuroscience of Phantom Pain

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The Latest Research Behind Phantom Pain

 

You may have heard the saying, “Mind over Matter” a few times in your life. I know I have, but did you know that it is more than just a saying? Did you know that our brains are capable of helping us cope when we struggle, especially when we deal with pain?

Today I learned how the brain can actually help us changing the way we think and perceive the pain we feel.

We have the ability to redirect and reconnect our brain waves to cope with phantom pain, or any pain, that we experience.

Today, I was honored to have on Dr Felipe Fregni, professor of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation at Harvard Medical School and Professor of Epidemiology at Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health, as well as the Director of the laboratory of Neuromodulation at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital. He has been researching how the brain perceives pain and what is happening during bouts of pain to our brain.

Dr Felipe Fregni, Harvard Professor

 

The hope is that if we learn how our brain works and how it changes during moments of pain or discomfort then we can start to use that information to better equip the individual to work through pain and eliminate it without medication!

Wouldn’t that be something!

Studying the brain to find connections

 

Dr Fregni splits his time teaching at Harvard and working the lab at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital

 

Dr Fregni and his staff and students have been researching this topic for a while now and getting the data they need from participants, like myself, and they could use you too!

Their goal is to create a device that you can wear to assist in pain elimination through brain waves. They started this study with bringing people into their lab to trial what they had created. Now they are onto phase 2 and getting new participants to work from home with their device.

As an amputee I am excited to see research into phantom pain and how we deal with it and finding ways to cope without medication. Dr Fregni also mentioned that their research also branches into helping stroke victims and paralysis as well!

When we figure out how pain is communicated within our body we can then begin to find ways to lessen or even eliminate it.

One interesting thing we did touch on, which I stated at the very beginning was the mind over matter mentality. You may have heard me say that when I start hurting I tend to become active, I get moving and I find something to distract myself from thinking about the phantom pain. What Dr Fregni told me was that when we become active we start using our brain, we get neurons to fire and this makes for a healthy brain. So every time I’m struggling, my coping mechanism was to not think about the pain but to dive into something else. This is exactly what we should all be doing because we are creating connections in our brain, fire it up, and building it stronger. So mindset matters. Speaking to ourselves in positive ways matters. Even thinking about an activity we love to do creates connections in our brain for healing. What a powerful organ it is, indeed!

I want to thank Dr Fregni for coming on and guiding us through how our brain is capable of helping us heal and for building this community of researchers to help those of us who are struggling with pain and need a better way to handle it. I look forward to seeing how your research builds a stronger and healthier tomorrow for us! Thank you!

If you would like to take part in the clinical research happening right now, from the comfort of your own home you can reach out to Dr Fregni’s department with the link below.

I hope you all have a very blessed week.

And as always until next time,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,

 

 

To see if you qualify to participate in their study please click HERE

That’s A Wrap!

That’s A Wrap!

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Loss/Limb Difference Awareness Month 2025

 


Garrison Hayes and Eric Gutierrez-Camacho
Colorado State University

John McCollough: MIT
Ophelie Herve: UCLA
Mira Mutnick, Jake Kanetis, and Marty Kilbane
Colorado State University

Dan Levine: MIT

As April comes to a close we say a huge thank you to all of the university students ts who came on to share what they have been working on, in the fields of mechanical and biomedical engineering, robotics, and media arts and sciences. All of these amazing students have a passion for assisting and improving the lives of people in the amputee community with their genius and creative enhancements to prosthetics, sockets, surgical procedures and research.

I cannot thank them all enough for caring so deeply for our community and for working so hard to improve it.

As this month closes out I want to entice you all to subscribe to my channel as next week we begin to explore phantom pain.

I have a professor from Harvard coming on to talk about his study into how the mind works, and how it can be used as a tool to combat phantom pain. Very intriguing conversation and maybe a few cues for us amputees to use to begin taking charge of our bodies without the use of drugs.

Please make sure you stay tuned for future episodes!

hHave a very blessed and wonderful week,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

much love,

The Future is Now: Part 3 of 5

The Future is Now: Part 3 of 5

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Limb Loss Awareness Month

UCLA: Ophelie Herve

 

As we come into our third week of April Limb Loss/Limb Difference Awareness month I am so excited to have a female voice in the engineering program from UCLA on our podcast today.

Ophelie was  born in France and came with her family here to the United States at an early age. In high school she reflects on watching the news when the Boston Marathon was bombed and she saw peak athletes, within 24 hours, become wheelchair bound. As an athlete, herself, this event created a desire to help and  gave her the direction she needed to jump into engineering and working in prosthetics for her undergraduate and Masters program at SMU.

Ophelie using an exoskeleton that is a power device used to help paralyzed individuals walk.

 

From there she turned her attention to injury prevention, and found interesting research on the female body and the how and when training can sabotage us by putting us at high risk for injury and when we will have a peak performance in the gym.

Using a robotic arm to replicate the knee joint in her studies on injury prevention.

 

This week I wanted to delve into the topic of how the female body is different and how as amputees we need to protect our sound limb for the long haul. We have always been so amazed by the newest prosthetics and bionics to come out into the world, and it is a very competitive field, but without research we don’t have the information to make technology better for the human body

Her research is fascinating and goes deep. We joked about the rabbit holes she went down as she began this research, but it was her unique perspective as a female athlete (and one who has injured herself playing soccer), coupled with her research on our female bodies and cycles that we really dove into some extraordinary conversations about injury prevention, especially for women who are down to one sound limb. As a female amputee, I can tell you that I have thought about this often, and what would life look like if I injured my “good leg”. That has also been a topic many times in my ladies’ chat group.

 

Working out at the right times of the month help protect our sound limb.

 

How we workout, eat, and rest all help play a part in stabilizing our sound limb, and when different cycle changes throughout our lives make a difference in each of those aspects.

This was great to learn about as the world of sports and nutrition tend to clump us in the same  workout and nutrition regiment as our male counterparts, without regards to our different hormones and biological differences.

I hope you enjoy hearing about Ophelie’s cutting edge research and Master’s project as she explains in greater detail some findings and how that will affect us as female amputees and athletes.

Please make sure you give her some love and Like, Share and Subscribe!

We have 2 more weeks of Limb Loss/ Limb Difference Awareness month, which means I have 2 more students who have dedicated their college journey to the betterment of the amputee community. You don’t want to miss this!

Have a beautifully blessed week ahead,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

Hiking with my pups keeps my sound leg strong and health for the long haul.
Keep moving!

 

How Did I Get Here?

How Did I Get Here?

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Faith and Connections

 

Just the other day I met a lovely woman in a wheelchair. My first instinct was to smile  but then I looked down, only to see that this kindly older lady was missing part of her limb. She was a below knee amputee.

She was being pushed around the store by a younger man, a caretaker, in her wheelchair when she noticed me and my prosthesis.  She asked him to back up and push her towards me to talk about being an amputee.

Her smile showed she was a fighter. She also informed me it has been 2 years since her amputation,  and now she was dealing with cancer. But still she smiled!

I knew that she was someone I wanted to know.

We talked for a bit, I told her we’d love to have her on our women’s chat groups and I made sure she had my name written down before we parted ways. She was struggling with the phantom pains, something I know all too much about. We had that in common and our connection was amazing and immediate.

Before I chose amputation I had been fighting through ten surgeries in 5 years, plus a blood clot, before deciding on amputation.

I had 4 months to wait from the time I scheduled my amputation til the surgery, and in those 4 months I went thru every emotion know to humans. I was a wreck trying to navigate something so surreal and on my own.

That is, until I leaned into my Christian faith. I had met a nice pastor during my time in PT, as he was getting his shoulder injury worked on by my PT on many of the days I was there. We talked, I reflected, then on my birthday (which feel during my wait time) I decided to re-baptize myself at this pastor’s church, which I started going to on Saturday evenings, just a month before. I needed to find connections, I need to find God in all of this mess I called my life.

 

The love of a puppy

 

The love from my horse

 

The love of my family

 

 

What I found, while attending the Saturday evening services, was amazing people who understood and stood with me during this time.

I sat down, on campus, with this pastor and we talked about life in general. Afterwards, when I got back to my car I had a life-altering epiphany, this whole thing, this journey I was on, was God’s plan for me. I now, looking back, could see his fingerprints on it all!

I felt such a burden lifted from me at that point, and I can honestly say, I have never looked back.

I am embracing every high and low for what it’s worth, and I know it is for my own good and all these moments were meant to build me up for something else. My mindset got positive. My view of my future became positive and my fears were muted.

When I connected with this lady the other day, I saw God working again, reminding me why He chose me for this journey. I connected in a way that helped and brought joy to this new friend of mine, and I walked away feeling joyful and fulfilled once again.

Connections; we, as humans, were created for connecting with one another and with the world around us. This gives us hope and joy, it fills us with purpose and passion for our life we are living, despite the circumstances.

 

 

 

This week I want you to give it a try.

If you have been staying at home, or are stuck at home find a way to get out.

If you can’t get out then find another way to connect with people. Find a virtual chat room, like the one I have each Wednesday, or call a friend or family member. Reach outside of your own life and find out about someone else’s.

When we connect either physically or verbally with someone else we gain perspective and can step back from what is disabling us.

It’s never going to be a good outcome if you are at home only thinking about your own problems and issues. That is isolating and can destroy you, mentally and physically.  You need to branch out and see that you are not alone in suffering or struggles, we all have them, day to day and even from hour to hour.

Staying secluded isn’t helpful and is hard to lift yourself out of, we aren’t meant to go it alone. Humans were built for connection.

This week make some real connections with others and watch your perspective change and watch your struggles lessen, even if only for those moments you are with someone.

Listen to someone and what they are going through. No need to give advice, sometimes we just need to feel heard.

And remember, everyone is going through something, and each moment is meant to build you up and strengthen you for what’s to come.

Are you preparing for your future successes?

Are you strengthening your resolve and character?

You were built with a warrior inside of you, we each were. It’s time to let that warrior out and fight for the life you want, the life you crave. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled that it won’t get better, your mindset matters, and you WILL find the strength needed to achieve your goals.

You are a Warrior! Believe it!

Have a blessed week ahead, and until next time,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much love,

 

 

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