Alone in the Dark

Alone in the Dark

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Getting Through the Tough Times

 

Oh the nights are so tough!

Have you been there?

Have you laid in the utter darkness and the quiet is deafening, the pain is unbearable, and you feel like you will ever get through this moment of phantom pain?

Yep, the reality is, we all go through it at some point or another, to varying degrees.

The last two nights, for me, have started great, I feel asleep and wasn’t feeling anything in the way of phantom pain. However, as soon as I shift, the sensations would start and the I couldn’t shut them off!

It’s almost unbearable. To sit in the dark, feeling like your body is screaming out loud, and no one else knows. My husband, laying right next to me, has no idea what I am feeling or that I am even going through this…. and he won’t know until morning.

Have you experienced this?

How about when you are out and about in a crowded store or venue, and your limb is on fire, or a sore within your socket is rubbing raw and stinging? And no one knows the pain you are feeling as you stand in line at the grocery store?

Such is the life of an amputee.

It comes and goes.

Most of the time there is no warning, it just comes at you.

 

 

So how do you deal with this, seeing as this is your life now?

First off, we all deal with pain differently, what works for one person won’t work for another.

As you experience these “episodes” you will learn what works for you (oh, and for added fun, what worked last time for you might not work the next). You can only prepare yourself for the mental battles ahead.

Communicate. Let the people around you know how you are feeling and what you need. They can’t see what’s happening within you and not everyday, all day is bad. Make sure you speak up and not assume they understand.

 

 

Build mental toughness. Use positivity and positive self-talk to get through hard times. You can redirect how your brain process what you are going through by the way you address it, internally and out loud.

 

 

Try not to fall back on medications every time you feel “out of sorts”. This goes for people dealing with the average phantom sensations/pains. I do not know what you’ve been going through and what you have been prescribed, so you need to do what you need to do but I will tell you that I will only use Tylenol or Advil once in a blue moon, when all else fails and when I can’t take anymore. There is no right way to handle an episode, but if you can stay away from prescription medication, and start leaning on your own devices to handle the mental situation, then do it. You’ll be stronger in the long run and your body will thank you.

 

 

These moments are truly times to develop your mental toughness. Sometimes we just need to hit them head on to become a stronger version of ourselves so we are ready for the next battle.

Finding time for myself to breathe and let go, helps me thru hard times

 

Don’t forget you were made to fight, and survive. You are a Warrior, you just need to unleash its within you and believe that you are strong enough to handle it.

Rise up, Warrior, and face your battles with inner strength!

You can do it, and you are not alone!

 

I pray you have a wonderful week ahead,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,

 

Remember: You are Beautiful, so just Be-YOU!
Reflect and Reset

Reflect and Reset

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Time to Challenge Yourself

 

 

As 2024 fades away and 2025 takes control let’s take time to look back and reflect on the ups and downs of the past year.

We all have had those moments we achieved some sort of milestone, we have also had those moments we never want to relive.

I’m hopeful that you had some time at the end of last year and the first week of this year to relax, reflect, and refresh yourself. I hope you have gotten into a place where you are ready to rise up again, and accomplish your goals.

As much as I am NOT a fan of New Year’s resolutions, for the fact that the name in of itself let’s people know that it’ll be a bust by February, I AM a fan of creating a new plan, schedule, and goals to work on THROUGHOUT the year ahead. I like the feel of starting over, having a second chance, learning about myself and reaching goals. I love the promise of a new tomorrow, where anything is possible, but without a goal or plan of attack days can roll by into weeks and month, only to leave you feeling like you let yourself down once again.

 

This year, I want to challenge you to several new things.

First you need to stay positive. Easier said than done, I know, but if you know that hard times will come-that there will be some struggles in your journey, then you can plan for that. While you’re in a good place prepare for the “suck”. How will you handle phantom pains when they hit? How will you decide when you need to talk with your prosthetist about your fit? When do you change your doctor after everything else has failed and you feel in your gut that you need someone else’s help or opinion?

These are all things that can knock the wind out of you and set you back. For some of us it can derail us so badly that we loose our momentum and never get it back, we can get lost in a dark place.

Prepare!

Make a Plan!

Execute that plan TODAY!!!

I am not immuned to this “delay game”. I play it with myself when I’m too tired, too happy, too busy….”I’ll start tomorrow”. You know that game, right?

I’m preaching to myself when I say we need to stop that if we want to achieve, overcome, rise up and become the warriors we were born to be.

This is our year! We will do this together. Accountability is key when you are struggling.

 

 

This week I have 2 Call to Actions for you. Don’t ignore these, let’s get after it together. I can hold you accountable, and you can hold me accountable.

 

First, come up with your word or phase of the year. Something that will keep you focused on your ultimate goal. Keep it short and simple 1-2 words if you can. This becomes your war cry, your mantra, something you will write and speak to yourself everyday for this whole year.

What is your word or phrase?

It could be:

Control

Be Present

Rise Up

Be Epic

Breathe

Walk

Mine is: Charge Forward

 

Second, join me in a virtual race. The one I have just registered for is called “Reset” by Virtual Pace Series and you can register here

 

This is a choose your distance challenge. You can do a 5K, 10K, Half or Full Marathon. The beauty of this race is that you can do it on your time and in your location. You can choose your distance and how you complete it. Walk, Run, Hike, Bike, Swim, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are challenging yourself WHER YOU ARE AT. If you can’t do 5K in one event, then break it down into 2 or 3 days/events. If you have already completed a walking. 10K then maybe you need to try running a 5K or even a 10K.

The point is to have something holding you accountable and a goal set before you. You do you, where You Are At in your journey.

Earn that medal and when you open it, AFTER COMPLETION, you are going to fall in love with challenging yourself.

Join me in 2025, a year in which you achieve your goals and realize the warrior within you is Stronger than you could ever have imagined!

Yes you can!

You will!

You are Stronger enough, brave enough and more than capable.

You are a WARRIOR!!!

 

 

I hope you find 2025 to be everything you want and more.

Please join me next week right here as we support one another and build each other up!

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

 

Much love,

 

“Sleigh” Your Goals

“Sleigh” Your Goals

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Start Today!

 

Start Now!

Today!

What are you waiting for?

 

I know, I know, it’s the holidays. You are busy and can’t find the time.

Me too! But, if you are serious about your goals, and know your ‘WHY’ then get to it.

I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of “New Years Resolutions”. For a majority of people it is a procrastination technique to get thru the holidays, feel horrible about how you celebrated all holiday season, to join a gym or set goals that are extreme, only to drop them by February or March.  Instead of being excited and uplifted by the challenges, you are left feeling defeated and miserable for failing. Who needs that?

 

Instead, start small now.

No matter what your goals are in life, starting when you are busy just requires taking baby steps to begin a new routine and make it a habit.

If you want to stand and make dinner while wearing your prosthesis then start by wearing it longer each day, or refusing to take it off. Then stand to wash a few dishes. Eventually you’ll be able to maneuver around your kitchen and create a meal and feel proud of your accomplishment….which will inevitably lead to another goal to achieve.

If you want to get or stay physically active and you are struggling to find time then carve out some smaller portions that you CAN commit to and do it. For example, take a short walk around the block after dinner every night, or do some sit ups, push ups and/or planks before bed.

You don’t have to have a gym membership and commit 2-3 hours 4-5 days a week to be active and stay fit, you just need a plan and stick to it (again, to build a positive habit that will carry on thru the holidays and all next year).

 

 

 

Starting today and carrying you through the new year here’s what you need to do to form good habits that will keep you moving forward.

 

Write down your dreams and goals on paper, don’t keep them secret up in your head.

Decide the most important ons and which ones need to come before others. There probably is a progression of them for example, learning to wear your prosthesis comes before walking a mile in it.

Set deadlines to help keep you on track.

Make smaller steps that you will need to do to hit your goal by your deadline.

Speak positively: I want to go to the gym. I want to go for a walk. Etc, etc.

Find someone you can share your goals with who will push you and hold you accountable (when times get hard and they will, it’s good to have an outside person keeping you on track), and maybe they can join you in setting goals and you can hold each other accountable.

Have fun and know your ‘Why”. Why are you setting this goal? Who are you doing this for?

 

 

Setting these things into place will give you a better chance of succeeding at what you want.

As always, you don’t need to go it alone. We all have weak moments and need some help.

I hope you have a blessed holiday season and a happy healthy new year!

This is my last episode of Season 4. I’ll see you next year!

Until then,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,

 

 

Busyness

Busyness

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Tis the Season

 

 

As we enter the holiday season:

Special gatherings and parties,

Gift giving and making,

Cooking and baking,

And traveling and to see friends and family create a very busy month or two.

 

As amputees it can have a toll on our bodies as we try to do it all.

If you are new to being an amputee, try to remember that it’s ok to ask and accept help, it’s ok to not have everything perfect and done like you’ve done every year before amputation, and above all else….

 

This too shall pass!

 

Enjoy the moment.

Use your slower pace this year to breathe in the moments.

Watch your children be in awe of the magic of this season.

Entertain yourself with special movies together and listen to Christmas carols.

You’ll be back on your feet in now time and wishing you had sat back and enjoyed the down time.

Don’t allow guilt to over take you. Allow people to step up and be helpful.

Ask when you need assistance. Be careful not to overdue it and hurt yourself. You’ll be more disappointed with the set back than the rest in the moment.

And most of all…

Be present!!

 

Hope you have a beautiful holiday season making memories and preparing your hearts for the blessings to come.

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

PS Pictures of my socket that I promised.

My very 1st socket. I used a t-shirt to cover this one.

 

The size difference from 1st socket to about the 11th one in just 2 1/2 years!

 

Paint job up close. Stickers Made using my Cricut machine.

 

One of my 1st skin fit sockets and the use of auto paints and vinyl stickers I made with my Cricut.

 

Most recent leg

 

All of my prosthesis since the beginning. Minus 4 (one I’m wearing and the three yet to come as of this picture-including the new one being made right now).
From Fear to “Thanks Giving”

From Fear to “Thanks Giving”

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Moving Into the Right Mindset This Holiday

 

As an amputee I have so much to be grateful for in my life.

I am blessed to be alive.

 

My horses make me be present

 

I am thankful for my husband, two healthy sons, and a family who loves me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am grateful to be able to walk again, just to name a few.

 

 

Do I ever look back on the day that I injured myself, which led me to amputation, and wish it never happened?

NO! Never, not even once!

I am so fortunate to have been chosen for this journey. Looking back, wishing for something different sets  me up to fall into the trap, and vicious cycle, of never being satisfied or happy of where I am now.

I wouldn’t have met the people I’ve met.

I wouldn’t have overcome fears that I have had to face.

I wouldn’t have learned to trust in myself, the process, and my support system.

I wouldn’t have experienced the life I’m leading now with such gratitude because of what I have had to overcome and endure.

I am a stronger person, more passionate about my Faith, and better able to withstand immense pain and challenges than ever before.

 

This holiday season I challenge you to look past your fears, your disappointments,  your pain, your obstacles, your past, and your anger at your situation and see the small but relevant miracles happening in your life EVERY SINGLE DAY!

 

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET! Live for your happiness and to a brighter future.

When you change how you see your life and your circumstances you change the outcome. You see the good more easily in everyday encounters and silent moments. You will find yourself smiling more and grumbling less, and you will start to attract the type of people who want to be around you because you empower them with your outlook. It’s contagious!

What are you grateful for today?

 

 

Today, choose to be grateful!

Don’t wait any longer to see the joy in your life.

Start jotting down your blessings or what you are grateful for tonight.

Keep a list where you write 1-5 things that you are grateful for each night before bed. Fall asleep to gratitude in your heart and watch how refreshed and joyful you will start to be in the morning, just looking for the next moment.

I wish you and your families a very special, magical, and blessed Thanksgiving.

Until next week, and as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

Cutting Edge Comfort

Cutting Edge Comfort

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Bionic Skins: Working Towards the Perfect Fit

We all want to feel our best, and live a life without pain, but at times it seems so out of reach for us amputees.

Donning a prosthesis that is suppose to emulate a real leg gets the job done but, trust me, it is far from comfortable and often it becomes such a painful devise that amputees choose not to wear it for too long, even taking days off from wearing it, leaving them feeling incomplete and frustrated.

Today I wanted to share with you an extraordinary company, created by Dr. Hugh Herr-bilateral below knee amputee, MIT professor and co-leader of the Yang Center for Bionics at MIT,  Bionic Skins is changing the comfort game for the better.

Lauren and Eric head up the Bionic Skins headquarters in Bedford, Mass. and graciously came on my podcast to share what Bionic Skins is, how it works, and the hopes and aspirations Hugh and his team have for building a better and more comfortable prosthesis for the amputee community.

Eric is the “numbers guy”, checking stats, running the biometrics of the patients and making sure the measurements taken are accurate…
among other hats he wears for the company.

 

 

Lauren is the prosthetist; working with the patients, creating the sockets,
and making sure the fit is everything it should be for comfort and durability.

 

As we sit down and talk you can see how bright the future is for amputees. The technology is getting better and the understanding of what is needed for improving the quality of life for amputees is increasing. More research is being done, and talking with amputees helps bridge the gap of what we currently have, what we struggles with,  and what is still needed to live actively and without restrictions.

Bionic Skins is doing just that.  They are currently work with patients, and taking new patients, that are below knee amputees all the while continuing to research, build studies, and improve on the technology that they are producing in house and through MIT’s Media Lab.

 

Check out their website HERE

You can also follow them on social Media platforms like Instagram and Facebook @bionicskins to stay up to date on their research and studies in which you may qualify to take part.

Also, you can listen to my interview with Hugh Herr, himself, from this past April, on my podcast HERE

Hugh and I discuss Bionic Skins toward the end of my interview where he discusses his design and how it was created.

 

Thank you again, Lauren and Eric, for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about the incredible work you’re doing  to improve our lives. You are amazing people! Keep doing what you’re doing and I look forward to checking in with you again in the near future!

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed, and found promise for a brighter future, listening to today’s podcast. Please remember to like, share and SUBSCRIBE to my podcast and my YouTube channel so you don’t miss an episode!

Have an amazing week and as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

Dr Hugh Herr-Founder of Bionic Skins and “Yours Truly’ all set up for a gait study I did last year at MIT.

 

Changes and Challenges

Changes and Challenges

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New Socket and What To Expect

 

 

Here we go again!

Last week I told you all about a huge blister that formed in my socket on the end of my residual limb, well, after talking to my prosthetist about that and a few other things that I was ignoring, he decided that it was time to make a new socket!

 

UGH!!

 

Where great sockets are made!!

 

Randy West and I getting ready to make a mess!

 

Cast is made!

 

 

I know what you’re thinking. “That’s great! You’ll have a better fit than what you have now”, and that is true, however, the idea of going through the casting and fitting process, then a week of walking around in a hard plastic shell test socket isn’t fun and then after it’s all created there is a “breaking in”period that can last up to another week. All the while you are hoping that the changes move you in the right direction.

 

My current socket being used to remake the original mold

 

 

All in all, it will be better (or at least that is the hope). My guys do an amazing job of getting me the best fit, they are incredible at what they do, and I am blessed to have them in my corner. It’s just that it is such a long and, at times, painful process that brings discomfort before it brings joy.

So I am going this week to be recast and will create a video of the process for you to see.

I bring this up for a couple of reasons.

  1. This is my life, and my podcast is about my personal journey,  that I can speak to.
  2. It’s important to note that even though I’m through the harder years of fitting my prosthesis, there will still be changes that happen down the road, and being an amputee has ever-changing challenges and struggles.

I’m excited, for sure, to get a new fitting socket and the idea of recreating my external design has me giddy. I love remaking my look.

But I am a realist as well, and I know what I am about to embark on is a process that takes time, perseverance, and grit to get through. I know what’s coming and I know it can be unpleasant at times, but I also know it will help me get the most intimate fit ever and it’s important to my livelihood.

 

I will keep you posted on social media on how it’s going. Make sure you check out my IG and/or my Facebook page @BAWarrior360 for updates.

 

 

I would tell you to continue to communicate with your prosthetist as your limb matures and when you notice things “happening” with the fit, even minor changes, that you should let them know before you get a blister like mine, or worse!

I am fortunate that I don’t develop infections like some people do, but this one could’ve been bad for a person with a high infection rate.

Be vigilant with your life, your fit, and your comfort. If things don’t feel right, please make sure you reach out to your team.

It’s better to be safe than sorry and laid up for weeks because you “pushed” through something you shouldn’t have.

Also, remember that your limb and your body are constantly changing, no matter how long you’ve been an amputee. Don’t think that you are ___ years out and you won’t see any more changes. I’m almost 6 years out and I’m heading in for a new socket because of fit, not damage to my socket.

Our bodies are always changing and fluctuating, take note, and be vigilant when you notice something look or feel different.

 

I hope you have an amazing week and until next time,

And as always,

B e Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

Choose to Shine!

 

Anticipation

Anticipation

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Let’s discuss Anticipation and Expectations as an amputee.

Every journey is different, every path navigated in life is unique, so why would anyone think that becoming an amputee that we would share the exact same journey?

We will have a similar structure as to what steps come first, second, third, etc, but wWHEN they come, HOW quickly you move from one step to the next, AND when setbacks will happen are all unique to each individual.

Understanding this, and excepting it will help with your success and also your stress.

When we drop the idea that “I want to be doing what Sue is doing.”, or “I want to run like John.” we can embrace our own journey for all its worth, and except the path we are on, which will reduce stressors and help us achieve.

Goal setting and POSITIVE expectations are found to be key to reducing stress and helping us reach success.

Join me for how to go about doing this, and at the end of the podcast check out your Call to Action on what you can be doing right now whether you are awaiting amputation, had an unexpected amputation, or just want to get out of your own way in life so you can find success.

 

Enjoy this episode, share with those you know who need some motivation and as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,

Keep looking up! Reach for the stars, dear Warri0rs!!

 

A Leg Up On Life

A Leg Up On Life

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Dealing With Negative Emotions Post-Amputation

 

Anger, Guilt, Shame, and Fear are all such destructive emotions. They hold us back from realizing our full potential and no one is immune to feeling them at one time or another.

As amputees, we face unique challenges, including fears about our new life, future uncertainty, failures, prosthetics, and adapting to physical limitations.

As a wife and homeschooling mom amputee I often struggled with guilt. I was always worried about making mistakes and inadequacy.

Now, as an amputee, (and I ELECTED this), I was even more fearful of what might be my shortcomings.

This is a lot of pressure to put on myself. How about you? Are you adding this stress into your life?

All in all, any of those above mentioned emotions, are taking away your happiness and also adding a negative aspect to your life, one that is stress-inducing and impeding success.

Stress can harm our health, impeding healing and progress. We must recognize and tame these self-destructive emotions if we are to truly love ourselves, love our life and live it fully.

 

Enjoy the good days. Remember those feelings. Harness them and utilize them when you are struggling.

 

We must realize what we are doing to ourselves and how to tame that monster that is self-destructive in nature.

So what can you do when these emotions begin to rear their ugly heads in your mind and life?

 

First thing;

Stop beating yourself up over situations you cannot control. You cannot control infections, poor fitting sockets, blister and rashes, or phantom pains.

Next, you need to communicate with your family and support system about how you are feeling. and when you’re feeling like you are getting everyone down. They need to know where you are at during the harder times as you navigate being an amputee because they probably don’t have any other experience with amputees than YOU.  Help them understand how you see yourself, where you want to be and what’s currently holding you back from realizing your potential. More than likely they wouldn’t want you to be worrying about that, just about getting better and stronger.

Finally, use positive self-talk. Your brain is a powerful muscle and it will bend and move to what thoughts you are allowing it to feed off of. If you tell yourself you aren’t good enough, that you aren’t contributing, or you are letting down those around you, then that is what you will feel is true. BIG TIME STRESSOR!

Time to start forgiving yourself, forgiving those around you that have hurt you, breaking free from fears, and letting go of guilt. When you are sick and laid up, your first priority must be to get stronger and healthier so you CAN get back to your life and family.

You can do this, you are strong enough. This is a long journey, a marathon, not a sprint. You will find that when things are going well something will come along and take you back a step or two. Likewise, when you are struggling, I can promise you, it won’t last and soon everything will start working out for the positive.

Don’t distress, dear Warriors, this too shall pass.

Lift up your chin, put a smile on your face, and laugh despite your struggles.

The time is now to sharpen your mental sword and fight for what you want and how you want to live your life.

Don’t give up and don’t lose hope.

Make today a great day,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

 

Finding Yourself By Letting Go

Finding Yourself By Letting Go

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Through The Eyes of a Horse

Horse Therapy-the horse who started it all: Cherokee

 

What can I say, I LOVE horses! I have always loved horses, just seeing them makes me smile. Yet as a girl growing up in the suburbs of Chicago I was never around any horses. The attraction is a mystery.

Never in my WILDEST dreams could I have imagined that at my age I would be surrounded by them every single day, training them, getting certified to train them, grooming them and now bringing a therapy to the public in which the horses becomes the teacher.

They are incredible creatures with so much to offer.

My journey began after my amputation and with the horse you see pictured above. Even though I was only around him for 30-45 minutes, the impact he made on my life was the most profound experience I have ever felt! Not only did my amputation change the trajectory of my life, now horses were a part of this ever changing path.

Now after 4 years of learning and teaching, observing and making mistakes,  I am ready to bring this mental healing to others, and I AM EXCITED!!!

 

CONNECTION

 

BEING PRESENT

 

TRUST

 

The benefits of just being in proximity to horses is incredible! The healing they can bring to our lives is unmatched.

I hope that one day you, too, can feel the healing power of horses in your life, and I would love to be the one to take you there.

Join me on this new journey that I never, EVER saw coming a mere 5 years ago.

Let’s work together and heal ourselves through the eyes of a horse.

 

I pray you have a beautiful week and a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much Love,

 

My silly girl!

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