Tag: personal journey

The Secret Sauce

The Secret Sauce

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Letting Go and Leaning In

 

I have been an amputee for 6 1/2 years, but before that I had a taekwondo injury that took me through 5 years, 10 surgeons and 10 surgeries, plus a blood clot to decide it was time to start living again and make the biggest decision of my life.

Alone in the decision, I was not. I had an amazing support system with my husband, two boys and my family back home. I had friends rallying around me and a church I belonged to. However, I was exhausted.

I had put so much energy into saving my leg that I had depleted all of my positivity and resolve. How was I ever going to come terms with cutting off my leg?

Today I want to share with you all my story of Faith. I feel it is time to be true to myself and honor my beliefs.

I could NOT have done this without my “Secret Sauce”.

I get asked a lot how I handled making this big decision and how I keep going despite the pains and trials of being one leg down. I did NOT do it alone, but it takes something more than cheerleaders in my life. No, my “secret sauce” is greater than anything else, greater than my own drive or perfectionism. I needed to find peace and purpose in my decision.

If you are struggling my hope is that this brings some answers and help for you. Maybe you are curious as to where my positivity comes from or my resolve. Today I share my profound experience with my Faith that changed EVERYTHING in a moment…and I have never looked back.

I hope my experience helps you and opens a door you never knocked on. Let me know. Reach out to me with your own profound experience with faith over fear, or just let me know how you struggle. I would love to help you through my own challenges. There is no need to go it alone or to feel abandoned. You have a great cheer;eager in your corner that wants you to live a great life. Trust and look up, Warriors!

 

I hope you all have a blessed day and as always,

‘Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be You!!

 

Much love,

Hand Me That Weight

Hand Me That Weight

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We Need Each Other

 

 

We are creatures built to live in community.

This gives us a safe place to celebrate in great times, gain support in the bad ones, and everything in between.

Talking with people, sharing our journeys and stories, our ups and downs with others, plus listening to our friends and community during their moments is a beautiful symphony of give and take that allows us to feel valued and to give value to others.

I feel that when I hear people struggling that the one thing they are missing is connections with others and the outside world. I notice that about me too.

This past week after sutures were removed I decided I was in need of MY community,  the gym.

 

First day back at the gym since surgery on June 20

 

Despite the nerves I was feeling about walking thru the doors, missing my leg and clomping around on crutches, I felt at home and ready to push myself again.

People who knew me “showed up” for me with thumbs up, smiles, and positive comments that made me feel valued and supported. I was on cloud nine and pumped to be back again!

Those endorphines were ROCKIN’!

How about you?

Are you feeling alone and stuck?

Check below for some tips:

 

 

You were meant to deal with life in a community.

It doesn’t have to be huge, just people who love you, support you, are real with you, and hear you.

It is also. place where you can reciprocate those values through being a great listener.

Remember; Give and Take.

So this week, FIND YOUR COMMUNITY!

Women amputees, join my virtual meet ups through Facebook Events on Zoom, every Wednesday at either 4:00 pm or 8:00 pm EDT.

Pick up the phone and connect with a friend.

Get back to what you love, even if you’re on crutches or in a wheelchair. Time to ditch the vanity, and embrace the moment you are in right now, it won’t be forever. And if it is, even more reason to embrace it NOW! This is you, time to move forward.

If you like the gym, find a way to get there.

If you love book clubs, join one and create a new community for yourself.

Maybe you have a neighbor who would love some company, wouldn’t you?

It’s time!

Community also means you have people from whom you can ask help. I know for many of us, asking for help looks like we are conceding and are weak, but I am learning that asking for help is a sign of growth and knowing that in this moment, I can’t do everything I want to be able to do. You aren’t giving up or quitting, just accepting limits right now.

So get out there, connect, make new friends, reach out to old ones and live your life where you are at right now! Don’t wait for things to be perfect, that time will never come.

Make your life what you want, start now.

Rise up, dear Warriors, you are worthy!

 

Have a blessed week.

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

Starting Over and Facing Fears

Starting Over and Facing Fears

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 26:36 — 28.6MB)

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Life after Revision Surgery for an Amputee

 

 

I must have been crazy, right? To CHOOSE to revise my amputation! To go from being uber active to starting over?!?!

Golfing on Kauai

 

Having fun catching waves

 

At the beginning of this interview process, to be eligible for the AMI procedure, I was very interested in the idea of being a part of something so “cutting edge” (pun intended) and chose to continue through the several interview steps to see if I was even eligible.

When it came down to having to go out to Boston for a face to face interview I knew that it was getting very real and that the decision to have it done was going to be all mine. That’s when I started to second guess myself and the reason why I would want to go through that again.

Decisions need to be made, but with a good, clear reason and with no doubts. I couldn’t do something like that again, and have my family be put out because of it… and what if? What if I was as good as I could get? What if I feel more phantom pains? What if, this time I get an infection and start down a harder road than ever before?

I will tell you that I never put those questions in my head or spoke of them before the surgery, but the reality is, those are the concerns that hide in the dark, when you are anxious, vulnerable, weak. These are the doubts that create fear, and then stop us from charging forward and achieving greatness.

Needless to say, my CT scan showed something that had to be dealt with that had nothing to do with the AMI and everything to do with the pains I had been dealing with for 6 years! THAT was what made my decision one I was at peace with. Now here I am 3 weeks post-op.

Starting PT the day after surgery and having those flooding pains upon walking

 

My biggest support and the guy who has always had my back! <3

 

Back at the hotel and trying to rest

 

Fear is such a disabling emotion. It stops us from trying new things, meeting new people, and reaching our goals.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to live a life where I’m not reaching out and living a full and amazing life because fear holds me back.

What fears are stopping you? What goals are you not hitting because you worry about the “What ifs”?

 

 

This week and each day in it I want you to face a fear!

It doesn’t have to be huge, like jumping from a plane, but what’s holding you back from living a full and happy life?

What scares you?

What goals have you been sitting on because something keeps you from achieving them, that YOU control?

Let’s face those fears together and start living!

You are a warrior, you need to believe it and know you have that within you!

You are strong, powerful, and capable!

Now get out there and SLAY YOUR FEARS!!!!

F-ace

E-verything

A-nd

R-ise

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

Choosing the Hard Road

Choosing the Hard Road

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Starting Over Isn’t Easy

 

Who would choose to take a harder road, isn’t life hard enough?

And who would decide to start over after working hard to be high functioning?

What would possess someone to put that sort of challenge in front of them?

Last October I was approached by Dr. Carty’s office, in Boston, if I was interested in doing a study with them. I decided to learn more and had an hour long phone interview with his assistant. This interview led to a second interview with Dr. Carty himself, which inevitably led to a final face-to-face appointment with Dr. Carty, and a decision had to be made.

 

Dr. Matthew Carty

 

Ironically, before having the initial interview I was doing just fine where I was. Yes, I had pains, but I thought they were pretty normal and unavoidable for an amputee. However, from October to January I started having more pains and some really strong break through pains, finally ending with a huge blister on the end of my residual limb. That’s what led to my prosthetist making me a new socket.

My thoughts were leaning more towards doing this study, which entailed reopening my original amputation and having some reconstruction done. I knew something wasn’t totally right in my limb so I asked to be checked for a possible neuroma when I went in for my face-to-face appointment. If something showed up then I was ready to have the surgery, and sure enough we found something….

There was a foreign object hanging out of my femur with a bursa surrounding it!!! I was stunned and decided right there that I was going through with this surgery.

 

Post surgery walk with PT

 

It seems pretty obvious to have a surgery, but the fact is, it was a big decision.

This not only affects me but also my family.

It also sets me back several months and begins the process again as if I am a new amputee. That is quite the undertaking, for a second time, and I’m not getting any younger.

So why?

Released from the hospital-the smile says it all!

 

My belief is that we can learn so much about ourselves when we face adversity. We also grow so much more when we are up against hard times. Since becoming an amputee back in 2018 I have met some amazing people, found a deeper and more meaningful purpose in helping people, started this podcast and created a women’s chat group. My life became richer and changed me, and I saw what I was meant to do in this life. With this mindset I couldn’t help but see God’s hand in this setup this time around and I truly am sitting here ready to accept the challenge, grow stronger and spiritually deeper, and accept what is to come, knowing that there is a greater plan for me than I could ever imagine. I wait excitedly for who will come into my life and how this new path will mold and change me.

 

Life on one leg again… this will be at least an 8 week lifestyle.

 

I accept this challenge with the hopes of becoming a better person and gain more experiences to help others.

This is why I chose a harder path, the path that includes pain, setbacks, change and uncertainty.

I believe that growth happens when we step out of our comfort zone and take chances.

I believe God has a plan that is far greater than I could ever create or imagine.

I choose to believe that I am a warrior, ready for the fight and ready to rise up again, stronger and even better than before.

How about you? Are you ready to accept the challenge that is in front of you?

 

Are you in a place that you have a setback? Are you struggling to find the motivation to rise up and unleash the warrior within you?

This week I want you to focus on 2 things:

Your nighttime and morning rituals.

If you are like me you probably check your phone before bed and also when you get up in the morning. I am going to challenge both you and I to adjust this.

At night before you fall asleep look at your calendar for tomorrow. See what’s on your schedule and then what you want to accomplish, whether it is running errands or reading a book. Visualizing completing your goals for tomorrow. Now get some good rest.

As you wake in the morning, don’t reach for that phone until you’ve done two things: taken several long, deep breathes and then run through your goals and visualizing how you’ll get them done.

Make this a daily practice and begin chasing your mindset to accomplishing everything you want to accomplish.

I hope this Call to Action helps you begin a new and productive practice that allows you to grow and feel accomplished.

Remember, you were born to do great things and you have a warrior spirit in you, you just need to find that inner strength.

So Rise Up, Warrior, Rise Up!

 

Have a beautiful week,

Know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much Love,

 

 

 

Real Talk with Dr. Carty

Real Talk with Dr. Carty

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:05:29 — 47.5MB)

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AMI Procedure and The Future of Amputations

Brigham and Women’s Faulkner Hospital

 

“For 200 years there has been no real difference in amputation; it’s technique and how it’s done.”

Do you know anything in our world that hasn’t evolved in 200 years? No!

This was a statement that Dr. Carty stated today in our conversation and I was in disbelief. How could that be?

With so many engineering marvels happening at an exorbitant rate it is only natural to turn our eyes on the other side of this coin, the surgical procedure.

Prosthetics have evolved and become more advanced than ever before but our residual limbs are the same they have always been, not allowing amputees to truly reap the benefits of these technological advancements, but that is changing.

Dr. Carty with the help of Dr. Hugh Herr at MIT worked together to improve the human body to be a more synergistic with the devices of today and the future.

Dr. Matthew Carty-Brigham and Women’s Faulkner Hospital Reconstructive Plastic Surgeon

 

Dr. Hugh Herr-Bilateral below knee amputee, biophysicist, mechanical engineer, co-director of MIT Media Lab

 

The Agonist/Antagonist Myoneural Interface (AMI) procedure was born out of the ideas of two men who each had something they were searching for to improve functionality of a residual limb and to make it more compatible with the future of prosthetics.

I am excited to share that I will be heading to Boston this weekend to have Dr. Carty perform this procedure on me, as a study candidate, and in hopes to improve my overall functionality. I am truly very excited for this opportunity.

Join us in today’s Real Talk as Dr. Carty goes deep to explain the process of creating, changing, and implementing a new medical procedures, and what exactly the AMI is and what the hopeful outcomes are of a successful surgery.

I am truly honored and  appreciated the time you spent with me to record this episode in the midst of your busy schedule, Dr. Carty, and I look forward to working with you soon. See you win Boston!

Enjoy this deep and impactful interview and be sure to subscribe to my Vlog channel on YouTube @OneLegis Enough-BAW to follow my journey through this amazing experience.

Have an amazing week ahead, Warriors!

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Facing Setbacks

Facing Setbacks

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Setbacks to Comebacks

 

Life is full of ups and downs and as an amputee we must realize that we will face many more challenges, past the amputation itself, years later.

For one, our sound side becomes extremely important to us. Taking care of our good joints while still trying to live a full and healthy life yet protecting what we have left becomes a balancing act and can be very scaring when things go wrong.

We also struggle with pain in our residual limb when our socket doesn’t fit correctly or a neuroma decides to show up.

My current situation is a strained lower back because I work so hard with balance and bending over to pick things off the floor, all on my sound leg which puts undo pressure and tension on my lower back on the opposite side. That is my current setback, and it is not only painful, it’s frustrating!

I have 2 weeks until I take off for Boston to go through extensive reconstructive surgery on my residual limb, plus a unique procedure created by MIT and my doctor. My goal 2 weeks ago was to eat well, cut our alcohol and get back to the gym daily to get in the best shape for this surgery. Literally the first week into that plan I tweaked my back! Now I am trying to be patient and waiting for the slow healing process my back is going through.

 

1 year after my amputation I found a neuroma in my hamstring and had to go thru another surgery!
Stayed positive but at times it was hard, starting over with healing is hard!

 

Not being able to wear the prosthesis while healing can break you but setting goals and looking to the future helps. Stay positive!

 

What I have learned through all the setbacks since becoming an amputee:

-This too shall pass

-Stay positive

-Set goals

-Use this time to do what you CAN do at this moment.

-Setbacks tend to be moments that are setting you up for a comeback. Be ready!

 

Look to the future. Dream! Stay focused on your goals and objectives!

 

If you are going through a setback now, don’t get discouraged just keep focused on the positive and the future.

It is not the end, it’s just a moment for your mind and body to be prepared for something more.

 

 

This week I challenge you to be still and focus your attention to what you CAN do and positive thoughts during a setback or a rough patch.

Try these steps out:

-Realize that this moment won’t last forever.

-Use this time to stop and listen to your body and realize what it needs to heal, usually it is telling you to give it a break and let it heal.

-Set goals for yourself to do once your setback fades away.

-Visualize yourself being successful and accomplishing your goals. Visualize positivity!

-Remember your “Why”. What are you doing this all for? Yourself? Your mental health? Your family? Your job? What is it that drives you forward? Your “Why’s” should be clear because they are what will help you in hard times and when you feel like you are all alone. The Why’s are your motivation to keep moving forward.

Of all the setbacks I have endured since becoming an amputee, one thing has been certain, the hard times end and the comebacks win!

You are a warrior! Believe it! See yourself as the strong individual I know you are.

Have an amazing week ahead.

Get after this Call to Action and reach out to me if you have questions or want to give me an update on how you’re doing.

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

 

 

 

Stressed Out!!

Stressed Out!!

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Dealing With Stress to Alleviate Phantom Pain

 

Ahhh, stress!

It wouldn’t be a day or a week without something triggering stress. A bid decision, a deadline, a fight with a friend, or even traffic!

As amputees we also face the uphill battles of healing, socket fittings, sores and painful steps, and phantom pains. Sometimes it feels like we never get a break. It feels like the weight of the world is placed on our shoulders and we can’t come up for air.

What we all need to learn is that every time we feel stressed out we have, in our own power, the ability to change the outcome. We control the narrative and we control how we come out on the other side.

“Mind over Matter” isn’t just a cliche it is truth.

 

 

When we hold in stressors we destroy our immune system, disrupt our nervous system, and create more problems than we need to.

We need to find ways to release negativity and stressors in our life. They will always be there, so instead of letting them take control and reeking havoc on your health you need to find ways to work through them and find a peace in your life.

When we learn to breathe, slow down, relax, and let go of the things we cannot control, then start feeding our mind with positive and affirming words we can begin to heal ourselves and give our bodies a chance to heal.

This week I challenge you.

 

 

Find time to slow down and breathe slowly and deeply through troubles and stressors you are feeling. Realize what you can control and what you cannot. If you can’t control something it’s time to let it go.

Use animals to help you find quiet time and centering. Horses especially are extremely intuitive and can read you from a mile away. If you bring in negative energy or a lot of “baggage” they won’t want to be close to you, and I don’t know about you, but I go see my horses for the kisses and love they pour into me. If I come preoccupied and upset, holding onto something negative, they sense it and walk away from me. I must clear my mind and center/ground myself if I want meaningful interaction with them.

 

Our closeness happens when I let my fears, anxiety, and stressors melt away and I focus on being present with my girl.

Words of affirmation and positivity. Speak them and repeat them as often as you need to about yourself until you have created a positive mindset. If you consistently beat yourself up over little things or become negative about your healing then this is where you need the most work. Our brain is a very powerful tool that believes what we speak into it. Speak only good and positive and watch your circumstances change for the better!

 

 

Finally, have grace upon grace for yourself. You won’t be perfect and you will stumble as you go through life, we all do, the challenge is to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and try again.

You’ve got this and I know you can do it. As you begin to make the changes needed to reduce stressors in your life you will start to notice phantom pains not being your focal point which then makes their grip on you much less.

Don’t give your pain power! Deny them and don’t continue to talk about them. The less time you pay attention to the pains you feel the less likely you are to be consumed and debilitated by them. You deserve better!

You can do this!

Be positive, breathe and focus on the positives! Watch your stress melt away and your phantom pains calm down.

Wishing you a week filled with health and happy thoughts.

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much love,

 

 

That’s A Wrap!

That’s A Wrap!

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Loss/Limb Difference Awareness Month 2025

 


Garrison Hayes and Eric Gutierrez-Camacho
Colorado State University

John McCollough: MIT
Ophelie Herve: UCLA
Mira Mutnick, Jake Kanetis, and Marty Kilbane
Colorado State University

Dan Levine: MIT

As April comes to a close we say a huge thank you to all of the university students ts who came on to share what they have been working on, in the fields of mechanical and biomedical engineering, robotics, and media arts and sciences. All of these amazing students have a passion for assisting and improving the lives of people in the amputee community with their genius and creative enhancements to prosthetics, sockets, surgical procedures and research.

I cannot thank them all enough for caring so deeply for our community and for working so hard to improve it.

As this month closes out I want to entice you all to subscribe to my channel as next week we begin to explore phantom pain.

I have a professor from Harvard coming on to talk about his study into how the mind works, and how it can be used as a tool to combat phantom pain. Very intriguing conversation and maybe a few cues for us amputees to use to begin taking charge of our bodies without the use of drugs.

Please make sure you stay tuned for future episodes!

hHave a very blessed and wonderful week,

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

much love,

How Did I Get Here?

How Did I Get Here?

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Faith and Connections

 

Just the other day I met a lovely woman in a wheelchair. My first instinct was to smile  but then I looked down, only to see that this kindly older lady was missing part of her limb. She was a below knee amputee.

She was being pushed around the store by a younger man, a caretaker, in her wheelchair when she noticed me and my prosthesis.  She asked him to back up and push her towards me to talk about being an amputee.

Her smile showed she was a fighter. She also informed me it has been 2 years since her amputation,  and now she was dealing with cancer. But still she smiled!

I knew that she was someone I wanted to know.

We talked for a bit, I told her we’d love to have her on our women’s chat groups and I made sure she had my name written down before we parted ways. She was struggling with the phantom pains, something I know all too much about. We had that in common and our connection was amazing and immediate.

Before I chose amputation I had been fighting through ten surgeries in 5 years, plus a blood clot, before deciding on amputation.

I had 4 months to wait from the time I scheduled my amputation til the surgery, and in those 4 months I went thru every emotion know to humans. I was a wreck trying to navigate something so surreal and on my own.

That is, until I leaned into my Christian faith. I had met a nice pastor during my time in PT, as he was getting his shoulder injury worked on by my PT on many of the days I was there. We talked, I reflected, then on my birthday (which feel during my wait time) I decided to re-baptize myself at this pastor’s church, which I started going to on Saturday evenings, just a month before. I needed to find connections, I need to find God in all of this mess I called my life.

 

The love of a puppy

 

The love from my horse

 

The love of my family

 

 

What I found, while attending the Saturday evening services, was amazing people who understood and stood with me during this time.

I sat down, on campus, with this pastor and we talked about life in general. Afterwards, when I got back to my car I had a life-altering epiphany, this whole thing, this journey I was on, was God’s plan for me. I now, looking back, could see his fingerprints on it all!

I felt such a burden lifted from me at that point, and I can honestly say, I have never looked back.

I am embracing every high and low for what it’s worth, and I know it is for my own good and all these moments were meant to build me up for something else. My mindset got positive. My view of my future became positive and my fears were muted.

When I connected with this lady the other day, I saw God working again, reminding me why He chose me for this journey. I connected in a way that helped and brought joy to this new friend of mine, and I walked away feeling joyful and fulfilled once again.

Connections; we, as humans, were created for connecting with one another and with the world around us. This gives us hope and joy, it fills us with purpose and passion for our life we are living, despite the circumstances.

 

 

 

This week I want you to give it a try.

If you have been staying at home, or are stuck at home find a way to get out.

If you can’t get out then find another way to connect with people. Find a virtual chat room, like the one I have each Wednesday, or call a friend or family member. Reach outside of your own life and find out about someone else’s.

When we connect either physically or verbally with someone else we gain perspective and can step back from what is disabling us.

It’s never going to be a good outcome if you are at home only thinking about your own problems and issues. That is isolating and can destroy you, mentally and physically.  You need to branch out and see that you are not alone in suffering or struggles, we all have them, day to day and even from hour to hour.

Staying secluded isn’t helpful and is hard to lift yourself out of, we aren’t meant to go it alone. Humans were built for connection.

This week make some real connections with others and watch your perspective change and watch your struggles lessen, even if only for those moments you are with someone.

Listen to someone and what they are going through. No need to give advice, sometimes we just need to feel heard.

And remember, everyone is going through something, and each moment is meant to build you up and strengthen you for what’s to come.

Are you preparing for your future successes?

Are you strengthening your resolve and character?

You were built with a warrior inside of you, we each were. It’s time to let that warrior out and fight for the life you want, the life you crave. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled that it won’t get better, your mindset matters, and you WILL find the strength needed to achieve your goals.

You are a Warrior! Believe it!

Have a blessed week ahead, and until next time,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!

Much love,

 

 

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