Tag: life

The Elephant in the Room

The Elephant in the Room

The Reality of Phantom Pain

 

 

It’s real!

It does exist, and it can come out of nowhere and attack you when you least expect it. Phantom pain is an equal opportunity offender with no regard for who it targets.

Phantom sensation is similar but constant. It’s not about the excruciating pain it inflicts, like phantom PAIN, as much as it’s the never ending, always present tingling, buzzing, and throbbing of the missing body part, (in my case, my lower left leg and foot).

No matter what’s going on, how active I am or am not, or even the weather, phantom sensations are always burning in my foot. At first I didn’t think I was going to be able to take it but I can tell you two certainities:

  1. After suffering phantom PAIN, I will gladly take the sensations!
  2. I find that these sensations are a gift in that they help me to find my footing as I walk because my foot feels like it’s there at all times.

 

Just a reminder, all journeys are NOT the same. my pain tolerance might be higher than yours or your phantom pain might last longer and be more intense than mine, we are all different and how we handle them is also going to be different.

Some people choose to medicate to help with the pain, others use mirror therapy or a neurotransmitter.

Others may choose to use tap therapy, or heat/cold therapy to lessen the intensity.

 

I have a neurotransmitter implanted in my back, but it created more pain than it stopped so I have turned mine off, for now.

I also have chosen to stay far away from medication so I know the true feelings of my pain and learn to deal with them naturally as they come. I spent too many years on drugs to help with all the surgeries and couldn’t wait to get off of them, permanently!

 

Like I said, everyone is different. what works for me may or may not work for you. Only you can decide how to attack these phantom issues. It’s always good to talk with other amputees to see how they are dealing with their pain and what works for them but remember what works for them may not work for you.

I say this so you don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work. You will need to keep searching and trying out new ways to handle your pain based on you. And sometimes something will work one time but not the next time it occurs. Talk about frustrating!!

Phantom pain is for real! It’s vicious, distracting, and debilitating! It can and will try to consume you, and break you, just remember you are strong! You are a warrior!

 

 

This is a tough one.

You will need to get creative and dig down deep!

This is where TRUE warriors are made.

Don’t sit and dwell on the pain, it will consume you and make it harder to bounce back from it.

Find somethings that work for you (I use distraction when I am in a bad pain place-walking, driving in my car, playing music, watching a movie, reading, moving some more, getting to the gym, etc) This keeps my mind active, and distracted. Don’t sit around thinking about it, it’ll only amplify the pain, trust me, I know!

Once you find things you are capable of doing, use these techniques to help you on the rough days. You will find that you will handle the phantom pains better if you have resources ready to be utilized.

And don’t forget to communicate with your family, friends, your support system. Even best laid plans get wrecked, and if you are screaming on the inside, more than likely you’ll start screaming on the outside and the people who you love the most will be casualties to it. Let them know that you are struggling. Phantom pain is invisible to everyone outside of us, they can’t know what we are going through so we must be open and honest, for the sake of relationships.

You’ve got this and you are NOT alone.

Rise up, Precious Warrior, Rise up! Fight your battles with confidence and with the assurance that this too shall pass.

 

As always and until next week,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living With Purpose

Living With Purpose

It’s Time to Wake and Seize the Day

 

 

As I approached my surgery date for my amputation I began to dream. I dreamt of all the things that could be a challenge and how I was going to conquer each challenge.  I created a vision board, set goals, and dared to dream of rising above my circumstance.

 

My Vision Board

 

Once that surgery happened, I began to set my sights on each goal: learning to walk as quickly as possible, skiing with my family, learning to surf, virtual races, and then a 10k, in person, at the Phoenix Rock’n’Roll Marathon.

 

 

 

 

Skiing for 1st time-3 1/2 months post amputation

 

Sled Hockey-1 month post amputation

 

Phoenix Rock’n’Roll Marathon: 10K race for St. Jude- 1 year post amputation

Virtual races all done as an amputee

 

 

 

Surfing for the first time…ever!

 

I worked hard at PT, I trained outside of PT, got back in the gym, and dreamed about reaching my goals.

 

Each day I would wake up and jump at the opportunities to become stronger, mentally focused, and created smaller goals to get to the big ones.

I had purpose and I was driven.

My “WHY”-my husband and my two sons

 

My family was backing me through all of my endeavors, and I am so grateful for that because as I set my goals and worked toward them, I grew stronger and more confident in my new abilities.  My family became my “WHY”. Why I was doing what I was doing was so that no one had to cater their life for me because of the position I was now in as an amputee. I wanted to be strong, confident, self-sufficient and totally independent to be the wife and mom they had always known.

When you wake up and are given another day on this planet with the people in your life, you need to see that you have purpose. No matter what you are going through, or the challenges you are facing, you have something to offer this world: a smile, a kind word, inspiration, your talents. There is more to you than your physical being. You were given a soul to share in this world. You were gifted with talents that only YOU could possess. It is up to you to make good on them, to see past your own circumstances, and give each day your best.

YOU have purpose.

If you have breath in your lungs, you have purpose.

What is your purpose in life? What gifts do you possess that the people, your community, could benefit from?

Who or what is your “WHY”?

What gets you up and charged each morning?

 

First thing is to figure out your “WHY”. Who or what makes you want to be stronger? More fierce? Unstoppable? Who do you live for?

Write it down!

Next, figure out what you want to do with this life you are given. You are more than your circumstance(s). You are more than your physical body.

Don’t define your goals, dreams and ambitions by your situation.

Tell yourself you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Now write down what you want to do in the next couple of weeks, months, and by year’s end.

Dream it, do it!

These goals and ambitions give you your purpose.

Example: I began looking for ways to help others on their amputation journey. I wanted to use my positive outlook to help others and to show them that life wasn’t over after amputation, just different, and adaptable.

 

You are a warrior!

Be strong, find ways to conquer and live your best life…No matter your circumstance you always have purpose and something to give this world.

 

As always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

 

 

Peace in the Waiting

Peace in the Waiting

Finding Patience Amidst Trials

 

Today, I want to share with you an important lesson I’ve been learning lately: the power of patience in the face of trials. Life has a funny way of throwing obstacles our way, testing our resilience and pushing us outside our comfort zones. But through it all, I’m discovering that cultivating patience can be a game-changer.
As an amputee, trials and challenges can be overwhelming, leaving us feeling frustrated, anxious, and stressed. But remember, every difficulty we go through is an opportunity for growth. Patience allows us to stay calm, focused, and determined, enabling us to find creative solutions and move forward with resilience. Embracing the challenges in our lives can be used as steppingstones towards personal growth, and better health.
In our fast-paced world, where we look for everything to be given to us instantly, having patience has become more of a lost art. We are constantly seeking instant gratification and quick results. However, true growth and transformation takes time and experience. Patience teaches us to appreciate the journey and find joy in the present moment. By shifting our focus from the destination to the process, we can savor the small victories along the way and celebrate our progress.
Today, I was reminded, yet again, that I need to learn patience, enjoy the moment, and be present. Sakari, my mare, was my teacher and today she gave me the gift of living in the moment. Normally, she would come right over to me to get our morning going, but today she took her time and slowly ate her hay. As she ate, I spent a few minutes wandering around, baking in the summer sun, feeling a bit impatient. But after I took stock in the moment, I saw the gift of just being there, watching her every move, and observing the world I was now a part of. This is where I find healing and reconnect with myself. I almost missed it!
Perhaps the most incredible aspect of patience is its ability to teach us valuable life lessons. It teaches us perseverance, empathy, and self-control. It encourages us to practice gratitude, mindfulness, and acceptance. By embracing patience, we become better equipped to handle future challenges and build stronger relationships with ourselves and others.
This week you need to address a problem you are facing.
Write it down and then write 3 things you CAN change about the circumstance, then write down 3 things you CANNOT change.
Now, using those lists, get to work on doing what you CAN do and letting go of what is out of your control.
Breathe, relax, and have faith.
I hope you found something that can help you through your trials and assist you in gaining patience.
Have a beautiful week,
And as always,
Be Healthy,
Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

Much love,
Angie
Fresh Eyes

Fresh Eyes

Seeing Your Life with Renewed Positivity

 

What grounds you and wakes you up to the moment you’re living in?

What lights a fire and gives you strength and clarity?

I realize that all too often, that I am wishing away a moment, a day, even a month, just to get to the next thing on my list, like nothing else matters.

Have you ever been guilty of that?

After my amputation I just remember wishing for my first socket to be ready, then my next PT, I couldn’t wait to get walking, or out of pain. Living in frustration and anxiousness because THIS moment wasn’t where I wanted to be.

Every once in a while, something will happen in my life that wakes me up to the fact that I am wishing away my life, not happy where I’m at, and wanting to be anywhere else, doing something else. That’s when I stop, slow down, and reflect on how precious my life, in that moment is. I see the mountains for the first time all over again. I watch the birds coming and going, paying attention to each sound they make, smelling the desert air as if for the first time as the storm rolls in.

 

 

This is where I want to be, in the good and the bad, living on purpose, with a purpose.

So how do we stay present, and not take life for granted?

How do we handle the pains, and bumps and bruises, we are dealt on a daily basis, embracing it for better or worse?

Unfortunately, it takes an event to snap us out walking through life in a zombie state of mind and to see our lives with fresh eyes.

I experienced that this past weekend when my family came to visit, and it was their first time to ever visit Arizona. The first time to feel the dry heat, see the ginormous cacti, and smell the monsoon roll in. As I pondered how it must feel, look, and smell to them I was reminded how I felt my first time, and how I took all of that for granted.

This is the same for us as we go through the trials in life. We get fixated on our next doctor appointment, next surgery, next test, only to forget the moments in between.

Life is going to through us curve balls, it’s going to try and knock us down (and will succeed every once in a while) and sidetrack us into thinking and worrying about everything else but what is happening to us right this moment. We must stop this.

We must embrace the moment we are in, live intentionally, and enjoy where we are. This moment is fleeting, and another one will take its place, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

I realized that I am guilty of wishing away days, instead of enjoying them. I regret this as I now sit here, wishing for them to come back, but it is in vain. What I can do is to stay present from now on. Enjoy the good times with the bad, knowing that they will pass and be filled with others. Each of these events is a part of my journey, making me into who I am, building me into the person I am meant to be.

Maybe today you are hurting or struggling with life. Maybe you are wishing today away, hoping for a better day tomorrow. Are you seeing clearly at the life you are making for yourself, or just going through the motions? What a gift it is to be awoken from a deep sleep, from routine, to see clearly once again, to enjoy life with fresh eyes.

What are you wishing away? Remember, you’ll never get tomorrow back.

 

This week, try to stay present. Enjoy each moment for what it’s worth, even if it’s not pleasant. Enjoy the view, you’ll find your outlook on life can change and become more positive, when we let go of our distractions and fine tune our sight to what is in front of us.

Practice being present and looking at the world around you as if looking at everything for the first time- with eyes like a child.

 

You are strong and capable, but it takes practice. Set down your phone, find time to sit in silence and without distraction, your heart and mind will thank you for it.

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!

 

Much love,

Angie

P.S. Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses along the way!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Ending Challenges

Never Ending Challenges

When You Least Expect It

Just when you think you are in the clear. Or when you feel like you got it all together….Wham!!!

Yep, life sends you into a new challenge.

I am 4 1/2 years out from my amputation and into my 15th socket I go. However, even though it should have been a simple change as it was just a remake of the socket I was in (the plastic was giving away but still fit) we encountered complications.

Nothing major, but my valve wasn’t working properly for a couple of weeks, which meant I couldn’t wear it, and then once that got fixed the end of my residual limb seemed to be moving too much down inside of the socket, which was creating swelling, which in turn made it worse.

It was a snowball effect. One issue, led to another issue, which led to another issue.

Simple fix. Hmmm.

Ever have that happen to you?

How did you handle it?

What I can tell you is that after 4 years of wearing a prosthetic, I have become more attuned to my body and what feels right, and what I can and cannot handle. These are minor issues, indeed, but if you don’t have the experience (which only comes with time and observations as an amputee) then you may be prone to freaking out about the fit and worried that these issues could get worse and create bigger issues.

I remember the first time my residual limb swelled. I didn’t know what was happening, why it felt weird and hard, and freaked out that I was getting an infection. After all, I had heard of amputees getting infections years after their surgery! YIKES!!

Now that I understand what is happening with my limb, I know how to combat it and when to call my prosthetist for help and adjustments.

 

 

Experience is key, but I share this with you so you understand what can happen, even years later. That you need to build up your patience and knowledge so you can handle these odd moments, because they don’t just stop after the first year.

 

Don’t give up hope.

Try not to get frustrated, and make sure you make time to stop and breathe deeply.

Smile. It helps with your emotional state in the midst of problems, and don’t let fear strike you down. I understand that each new issue is delving into the unknown, but you will survive, and you will rise up again, and again, and again.

 

Remember, you are a Warrior!

Now go out and seize the day!

You are special, unique, and there is only one YOU in this whole, wide world!

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

 

 

 

 

New Chapter, New You

New Chapter, New You

Reinventing Yourself

 

 

What would you do if you have a second chance?
How would you spend your days if you received a new lease on life?
This is how I felt after my amputation.
I realized that the choice was mine and I could do and try anything I wanted and reinvent myself and enjoy new hobbies, sports, and activities.
I wasn’t going to allow my amputation to define me or limit me, it was my time to show myself, my family, and the world what an amputee could do when they put their mind to it.
I was going to prove that life was just beginning, not ending, for me.
The choice was easy for me, but maybe you are struggling with this.
The choice is:
Am I a victim or
Am I a warrior?
Well, I am a warrior and a fighter. If someone thinks I can’t do something, then I will pursue that with my whole heart and rise up to the challenge.
If I am told it can’t be done, I will find a way to accomplish it.
I want to prove that I make the decision on how full my life was going to be, and I was NOT about to roll over and die.
This is my journey.
This is my story.
And I know you can achieve this, too.
You must consciously choose each and every day, to overcome the obstacles and rise up.
It takes a change in your mental game, and goal setting.
You are a Warrior!
You CAN rise up and become whatever you choose to be and accomplish whatever you put your heart and mind to.
This is the moment you can reinvent yourself and live a full AND happy life! I know you can!
You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
You are a WARRIOR!!
It’s time to unleash your inner warrior and watch your life blossom into everything you ever wanted and deserve.
The time is now!
This week put your focus on positive thoughts and goal setting.
What is it that you’d like to try? What would you like to accomplish?
What have people in your life said that you might never be able to do again but you know that if you work at it that you could actually do?
It is time to put the past behind you, forgive and move on, and reinvent yourself!
It is time for you to unleash the warrior within you and shine!
Now it is time to believe in yourself, and live your best life yet!
YES YOU CAN!!!
Today is the day! Now is the time!
Rise up, Warrior, rise up!!!
Reach out to me if you need help, advice, or encouragement! I am here for you!
And until next week and as always,
Be Healthy,
Be Happy,
Be YOU!!!
Much love,
Angie
Hug and Kisses XOXO
Reality Check

Reality Check

Are you seeing amputees doing all the things you could only dream of doing? Thinking you are so far behind that you could never get there? Or see them doing amazing things, “pain-free”?
Well, in the spirit of complete transparency, and shedding light of the realities of being an amputee, I have had a hard couple of days.
Yep! Even 4 1/2 years out. Do they happen often, no, but phantom pains, poor fitting socket days and just plain “off” days can come out of nowhere and hit me like a freight train!
This weekend was no exception.
I has been out hiking, doing what I love, and even though it was a tough hike I got through unscathed…. However, the next day, I’m sure my muscles were so taxed that my phantom pain came back in sharp stabbing droves, meant to take me out in mere moments!
The reality check is, we all have our journey, whether you’re an amputee or not. You cannot compare yourself to anyone else, because there is no one like, who went through what you went through, and can handle it like you. Our pain tolerances are different, our illness that led to our condition are difference, our age, activity level and our gender are all different.
Most people think that going through amputation is the hard part, but in reality, it’s the first 1-2 years after, in which you have to get fitted for a socket, place something heavy and cumbersome on your body, and relearn to walk all over again. The fit takes patience and time to adjust, you fall, you get rashes, you break down and get frustrated.  And when you finally get everything to feel “good” you have atrophy and drop weight and your limb changes and you start the whole process ALL OVER AGAIN!!! Sometimes even just 1-2 months after you finally get a good fit!
So whether you are struggling on the path you are on in life, or finding it debilitating to keep moving forward as an amputee, know that this is all part of the journey. You have to experience the ups and downs to learn and become stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally. I can tell you all that I’ve gone through but to truly learn from it and appreciate it, you must go through it yourself. And your journey won’t look like mine or anyone else’s, your journey is YOUR journey. Embrace it and enjoy it for all its worth. You’ll be amazed at the person you’ll become as you wrestle with the challenges you’ll go through.
This week, listen to yourself. Know when you need a break and take it. Spend time reflecting on what’s got you blocked or bound up and know that this isn’t the end, just a hiccup.
Take a deep breathe, and rise up again and give another crack at it.
Baby steps, little by little, keep you moving forward.
Don’t give up and believe in yourself!!
And as always,
Be Healthy,
Be Happy,
Be YOU!!!
Much love,
Angie
Cast Your Worries, Reel In Patience

Cast Your Worries, Reel In Patience

A Fishing Analogy for New Amputees

 

From experience, I KNOW, without a doubt, that there are fish in our lake.

Just yesterday I caught a huge northern pike and released him….. he is in there, waiting for the next lure to tempt him.

How does this relate to amputees and our journey? Great question.

Patience, for one. And knowing how to keep moving forward, even when you feel like giving up, for another.

I must have casted 1000 times in 5 hours last weekend, and not a nibble!!!! 5 hours!!! I’m either totally dedicated to my craft or absolutely crazy! But, I love the POSSIBILTY. The possibility that I could catch a fish, maybe even the biggest fish in the lake (I may be a little competitive 😏) keeps me going.

Not my biggest catch, but I’ll take it as a win!

 

This is the same for amputees. No matter what I tell newbies, until they go through it themselves, it just doesn’t click. Some people think they’ll get through it without a hiccup and be off and running right after they get their prosthesis. What you have to remember is that 1) Everyone’s experience is unique and individualistic. 2) We all atrophy and thus makes our fitting process a challenge, and 3) You don’t know what you don’t know, and it won’t make sense until YOU go through it.

That being said, going through the early moments of becoming an amputee are like fishing. You know that you will be able to walk again, run, hike, bike, swim, etc. You’ve seen tons of other amputees make it, and the prosthesis they are making now are so amazing and helpful to our success. but you also need to remember that you can’t catch the big fish if you aren’t patient, and ready to put in the time.

 

 

Go at it with a positive attitude. Take a step back when things get hard, and you.ve forgotten what WILL be possible. You have to earn it, so to speak, and you’ll be better prepared and ready for future hiccups after going through the first year or two.  But it won’t be easy. You will be pushed to the edge a few times, whether with the way it feels, the fitting, pain, sensations, or a plethora of other things that could happen.  But don’t lose hope. I went through the changes and the exhaustion of never-ending appointments to get the right fit. I went through excruciating pains of a neuroma and the surgery to remove it, along with the setback of healing from that surgery before I could wear my leg again. I understand the heartache when you just want to be and feel “normal” and you just don’t see how that will ever happen for you. It will! I promise. Keep the faith. Don’t take yourself too seriously and learn to laugh at those moments. Cry when you need to then pull up your big boy/big girl pants and trudge forward. You will get to where you want to be, but you will work for it, I promise that too.

 

 

 

What I use to tell my students all the time was that if it was easy then you wouldn’t feel as proud of yourself for accomplishing the task at hand. Same goes for us amputees. You will have to overcome some seriously huge mountains at times, but when you are at the top looking back at where you came from, you can be so proud to know that you truly ARE a warrior!!!!

 

I believe in you!

Don’t you dare give up.

Put in the time, practice patience, and know that with time, things will get easier.

 

You are amazing and will accomplish great feats. You only need to be steadfast and patient. Be realistic in knowing that it takes time, but in the end you will succeed!

 

As always, and until next week,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

(Be PATIENT….)

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

 

Patience is a virtue.

 

A few of my favorite things as I sit at the lake fishing

The view is so peaceful

 

Wildflowers everywhere!

 

Spring Cleaning

Spring Cleaning

Cleaning Out Your Mind and Heart to Have a Body Worth Living In

 

 

The sun is shining, and the days are growing longer, it must be spring!

That also means it’s time for Spring cleaning…. no not of your home, but of your mind and heart.

If you’ve been feeling down, and unproductive, or frustrated and frazzled, then it’s probably time to clean out your thoughts and your emotions. Yep, you can do Spring cleaning on yourself.

Too many times we get caught in a hard time and we feel derailed, alone, frustrated, useless, sad, etc., etc. But these hard moments, or circumstances that you have no control over don’t have to be a negative. We can use these times of trial to hone in our skills of being positive, building character and resilience.

However, if we are not careful, we can become our own worst enemy and sabotage our lives, with negativity and worry.

When we take stock of our thoughts and feelings and throw out the negativity, we are clearing out that space for better things.

I challenge you to create a better headspace for you, change your thinking and self-talk, and get yourself moving in the right direction. Your body will thank you!

 

Find your inner positivity and SMILE!!

 

Create a list of the positive and negatives on your heart right now.

Create a 2nd list of the positive and negatives on your mind.

Now go through and figure out what you need to do to eliminate the things that are taking you on a negative path.

Example might be that you are frustrated or embarrassed by your body image. Ask yourself what you can do to change that, it may be taking a walk outside every night, or getting back in he gym, or trying a virtual race, it may also include kicking the late night binge eating you’ve been doing.

Once you’ve gone through all of your negatives, figure out how to make adjustments to your thinking, your habits, and self-talk then create goals for yourself (like walking everyday to change the negative mindset you have about your image).

Use the month of May to kickstart a new healthier, happier you!

Figure out the problem(s).

Make a list.

Create solutions.

Set goals.

Crush goals!

 

Remember that you are amazing, and awesome!

You deserve the very best of you, so don’t settle for anything less.

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bouncing Back with Mike Coots

Bouncing Back with Mike Coots

Shark Attack Survivor to Shark Advocate: A True Bounce Back Story

Pictures in the Deep

 

Facing the creature who turned his life upside down… head on and with love and respect. Truly inspiring!

 

This is one story of bouncing back that has always stood out to me. Since I first met Mike, on Kauai, to our first interview in 2021, and watching his path widen, deepen, and become more powerful and enlightening, I have been in awe of his love for the one thing that did him harm. And quite frankly, that speaks volumes to me… not just about Mike, but about sharks! If someone is a victim of a shark attack and literally turns around to advocate for them and their rightful place as the apex predator of the ocean, AND portrays them as beautiful, and graceful creatures to be saved and admired, then I need to listen up and educate myself past the fears that have been instilled in me by Hollywood since I was a child.

This is Mike’s mission through his photographs and advocacy stance in DC.

Forgiveness was given, and a new path is being forged between the victim and the perpetrator.

This is the true meaning of healing on the inside.

When Mike was just 18 years old, with dreams of becoming a professional surfer, this nightmare couldn’t have been farther from his mind. Yet, with support from his family and community he took a huge setback and created a new life for himself.  He studied, met people, watched for doors to open, and went with the flow of his new path, which all led him to forgiveness, empathy, love, and partnership with the one thing that almost took his life.

Mike and the Tiger Shark

 

His setback became the set up for the life he lives now, and the life he adores.

When he was asked if he would change the day of his attack, to keep his legs and become that professional surfer, do you know what he said?

 

 

Back at it!

 

Listen in to hear his answer.

Listen in to hear what happened that fateful day, and to hear what new adventures he is on.

Thank you, Mike, for your time and telling your story, and for being the voice of a misunderstood creature in our oceans.

Mahalo!

 

And as always,

Be Healthy,

Be Happy,

Be YOU!!!

 

Much love,

Angie