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Fear of Letting Go
As we come to the end of this three part series on overcoming fear I feel that today’s podcast of Letting Go to be a big one, especially for amputees. Not that we all don’t struggle with letting go of: the past, what we can’t control, and toxic relationships, but because as an amputee myself I have seen and heard of so many amputees struggling with these three aspects of letting go.
For most of us, not living in the past is hard. We all tend to have some part of our heart in the past. Sometimes we fear that letting go of the past will also mean we will forget something that was beautiful about it. Memories stay but that doesn’t mean that “living” there is a good thing, especially when we deeply miss some major part of it or, worse yet, can’t forgive a transgression against us that happened in the past. I know several amputees who became an amputee due to a past wrong done to them: a drunk driver, a negligent driver that they were a passenger with, and those pasts NEED to be left there. I know I can’t speak to this struggle as it is not my story nor my journey, however, I have talked with and watched the lives of people I have met that are dealing with this and one common thread amongst them is lack of joy and lack of healing. These are the people I have seen struggling with being an amputee, finding purpose, finding joy, and those who struggle to feel peace in their new place, struggling to feel good in their prosthetic and the fit, even not healing correctly or in a timely matter. Our minds are strong and can determine how we see ourselves and our lives, dictating how we feel and function. When we get stuck in a place of anger and blaming our circumstances on a past transgression, we aren’t punishing the offender we are punishing ourselves!
Doesn’t knowing this make you want to work at forgiveness, for the sake of our own lives? You aren’t saying that what this person did to you and your life is OK, you are just letting yourself let go of the one thing that could be holding you back from recovery and living a healthy, happy life….Aren’t you worth that? (I think you are!)
Another aspect is letting go of things out of your control.
So you’re an amputee now. Now what?
Your limb is gone, and never growing back. Time to move forward. Learning to embrace where you are at in your journey is half the battle. You can’t change what happened, but you can control HOW you handle it. If you sit and worry about healing, the prosthesis, the fear of being or not being able to walk again, etc, you are just going to stress yourself out and you are worry about something that isn’t important right this minute. Stop, breathe, live for RIGHT now. Can you find something to be happy about, right now? I bet you can. Maybe it’s that you survived, you healed well, you aren’t on pain meds anymore. Maybe it’s that you have a family that is there for you, a friend group who is surrounding you with love, support, and prayers. Maybe it’s a pet that is glad you are home (they don’t care if you have one less leg or not!) Perspective! Do you have it? You can’t control something that has already happened to you, you can’t control how long it will take you to heal, or if your prosthetist is going to be “the one”. You can control your emotions, your outlook, your decisions. Start there, and let the Higher Powers that Be do their thing. If you spend your time worried and wondering how long before staples come out, how insurance might deny you, how long before I get a prosthesis that fits right you will be exhausted from all that worrying. That’s not productive nor is it beneficial to your health (mental or physical). Learn to let go of the things you can’t control and start dealing with the items within your control. You’ll be surprised how happy you will be.
Finally, letting go of relationships. Now, as an amputee, and one who has been listening to new amputees talk about the beginning stages of getting fitted for their first prosthetics I am highly speaking of this perspective….however, some of you listening may be in a toxic relationship, one that has been negative toward you, not supportive, or downright mean, take this as you see fit.
You do not owe anyone the benefit of sticking around when it is not in your best interest!
As I speak of this I am directing this mostly toward new amputees who think that their prosthetist is their prosthetist, no matter what. Some of you how found yourself in a hospital bed, only to wake up from an accident, missing a limb, have been given a prosthetist by the hospital and you know nothing about them. Some of you live in a small town where there is only one company and you lack options. I am here to tell you that you do NOT have to sacrifice good, personal care because of those circumstances. You CAN shop around. You can change who is handling your fitting to someone more connected with you, more caring, and understanding of YOUR situation. Even though they handle amputees day in and day out, doesn’t mean they know YOU. You are unique, even as an amputee. What works for one Above Knee Amputee, doesn’t work for another. We are all different, from our age, how we became an amputee, our health and activity level, etc. These all determine how we handle a prosthetic, to how it fits, and what kind we need.
Unfortunately, we consider our prosthetist, like doctors, as the professional and take their word on all matters about our fitting. The problem is, we are the professionals of our own body and we know what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s ok to speak up. It’s ok to communicate and ask for changes. And it is definitely ok to change who you are using when you feel that you are not getting the care that you need. Most of us don’t want to “rock the boat” and don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, and you don’t have to. You just need to know when you’ve given your prosthetist several opportunities to make things right by you and when to cut ties and move on. You CAN interview other prosthetists to get the “best fit” for your situation and personality, after all, you will have them in your corner for the rest of your life. You deserve the best!
This week there are several things you can be doing to overcome the fear of letting go:
The Past:
Try to stay focused on the present. Letting go of past hurts and mistakes can be hard and some days will be harder than others. Just keep telling yourself that you forgive_________, and repeat it over and over again. Find ways to stay in the present and start finding goals to occupy your time. Letting go of past hurts and mistakes, or even heartbreak of losing a limb, just keep living in the now and finding the joy in the day to day events. Over time you will feel the weight of the past giving way to joys of future journeys.
The Uncontrollable:
It’s inevitable that we worry about things out of our control, so don’t fret when you succumb to that way of thinking. Recognize that you are worrying about something you can not control and refocus on what is in your control. This takes mindfulness. You must be present and in the moment to see what you are doing and how it is not helpful. Redirect your thinking to what you CAN do in that particular situation and focus on that. Practice, practice, practice. This one is hard to let go of, but your heart and body will thank you when you do!
Relationships:
This goes out to those new amputees who feel like they aren’t in the right m medical office. Don’;t be afraid to communicate exactly what’s going on with your limb. If you still feel like you aren’t getting the care that you need, and the changes being made so you are comfortable then maybe it’s time to shop for a new provider. Don’t be afraid to do what’s right by you. It’s your life, after all! And you deserve the very best care. Be patient, be kind, but when push comes to shove, if you don’t feel like you are being heard, or time isn’t being spent on you to make necessary adjustments so you are out of pain, then it’s time to say good-bye to the old and find someone new. You deserve to be happy and feel the best you can in your prosthesis.
I hope this series on fear helped you in some way or another. If you feel like you know someone that this could speak to, please like and share.
I appreciate each of you and hope you are living your best life.
Until next we and as always,
Be Healthy,
Be Happy,
Be YOU!!
Much love,
Angie
